Lust Potion
by RagnarokSkurai
Summary: Christopher and David get locked in Jalil's lab. Christopher goes a-wandering, and things happen. Slash.
1. Lust Potion

This is meant to be semi-humorous. It's not very well written, it's just here for your entertainment. Have fun!

Warning: Christopher/David slash and BtVS allusions.

* * *

"Back the hell off!"  
  
"You fucking started this, don't yell at me for finishing it!"  
  
"Please. That's a laugh. Go fuck yourself, Christopher."  
  
"No thanks. I can find other people to do it, unlike you."  
  
"Just shut the fuck up! What the hell is your problem today?!"  
  
"You! It's always you, damn it!"  
  
"Would the two of you PLEASE SHUT UP!" Jalil hissed through clenched teeth. It was only at that point that the two boys realized they had been shouting at the top of their lungs and were surrounded by what was left of the kitchen. A vein throbbing violently in his forehead, Jalil led both Christopher and David down the hall of the hut. He opened the door to his lab.  
  
"In."  
  
Christopher raised an eyebrow. "Why?"  
  
"IN!"  
  
That was not the voice to argue with. Most definitely not. Christopher stepped inside, briefly toying with the idea of tripping David but ultimately deciding against it. David, however, had no such qualms, and dropped a well-placed kick to Christopher's shin. Christopher swore.  
  
Jalil slammed the door.  
  
"What the fuck?!"  
  
"Jalil!" David bellowed. "Let us out."  
  
"No.  
  
"Let us out _now_!"  
  
"I will. In roughly three hours, once I've CLEANED UP THE KITCHEN AND GOTTEN SOME FRICKIN' WORK DONE!"  
  
Christopher hit his head against the door with a sigh. "He's pissed."  
  
"Yeah, no shit Sherlock."  
  
"Shut up David. This is you fault too."  
  
"Don't talk to me."  
  
"Fine."

* * *

"Talk to me."  
  
Silence.  
  
"Pleeeeease?"  
  
Silence.  
  
"C'mon, aren't you bored yet?"  
  
David sighed. "Christopher, it's been like ten minutes. Unlike some other people I could name, most humans can sit still for more than ten minutes at time."  
  
"I can. I just require a TV to be in front of me. And seriously, aren't you bored?"  
  
Another sigh. "Fine. Yes, I'm bored. What did you want to do?"  
  
"Look around the lab of course."  
  
"You know half the stuff in here could probably kill us."  
  
"Jalil wasn't that pissed." He paused. "Was he?"

* * *

"That looks dangerous."  
  
"You're going to touch it, aren't you?"  
  
"You bet." Christopher grinned in David's general direction. David did not look impressed. Or even remotely amused. "C'mon man, lighten up. Senna's been dead, for what? Almost a year? Something like that. If I can get over a fantastic babe like Etain, you can get over a psychotic witch."  
  
"Shut. Up."  
  
The blonde sighed. What was up with David? Seriously. The guy needed to lighten up, get a life, get laid. Probably all three. Christopher began to poke around on the shelves a little more. He peeked down into one of the larger pots with interest and dipped in a finger.  
  
"Don't even think about trying that."  
  
Hey. Since when could David read minds? "Why?"  
  
"It's obviously magic. That's a big no for me."  
  
"How can you tell it's magic? Are you like Willow now, and I'm the hapless Xander? 'Don't touch that! It's magic!' "  
  
"I give Xander more credit than that," David remarked dryly. "And I can tell it's magic because not only is it glowing, the container is floating like an inch above the shelf.  
  
"Oh. So it is."  
  
David tapped Christopher on the head. "Do you happen to use that at all?" Idiot.  
  
"Not if I can't help it. It's pickling in alcohol, thanks." Christopher glanced up at David. "You drink it."  
  
"What?!"  
  
"You drink it, O Fearless Leader."  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Scared?"  
  
"Not scared. Just not stupid," David corrected. "You have no idea what that is. What if Jalil's big plan is to kill Ka Anor with some extra strong Bug Off and that's it?"  
  
"We're not bugs."  
  
"You know what I mean."  
  
"No, I don't."  
  
"It's probably dangerous. Not drinking it."  
  
"Not all magic is bad you know. I think you've got a phobia."  
  
Phobia? As in 'fear of'? I don't think so!  
  
"I don't have a phobia," David snapped. "I'll drink it, if that's what you want."  
  
Christopher grinned. Score! "If you die, don't worry. I will personally go to Hell or Hades or whatever they call it around here and drag you back into the world of the living."  
  
"Thanks. I think."  
  
"No problem."  
  
David looked down into the cauldron wearily. Hopefully this wasn't going to hurt him. Kill him. Turn him into something non-human. Any of those great magical things.  
  
"Chickening out?"  
  
"Not likely." Rising to the challenge, David grabbed a cup off Jalil's desk and scooped up some of the mixture.  
  
Christopher smiled wickedly. "Bottoms up!"  
  
David shrugged. And tossed it back.  
  
"Ew." Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ewwwww. Gross. Really gross. Gah. Was his tongue growing fuzz? The stuff had been warm. And ooey. Gross. Yes. Very gross.  
  
"So. Anything happening? Nausea? Double vision? Vertigo? Bumps? Welts? Give me something here!"  
  
David shrugged again. "Nothing."  
  
"Nothing?" His source of amusement so rudely stolen from him, Christopher plopped down into one of the chairs.  
  
"Don't sound so disappointed."  
  
"It's magic! It's supposed to do something!"  
  
"Nothing." David slid onto the top of Jalil's desk, being careful not to knock off any of his papers. Provided the potion didn't kill him, Jalil still might.  
  
"You sure?"  
  
"Yes Christopher, I'm sure."  
  
"Anything now?  
  
David shook his head. A few more seconds passed. "Actually, I do feel kind of... funny." Whoa. Damn, it sucks to be seventeen. Wait. Was it eighteen now? Oh what the hell, that wasn't the problem. The real problem was that he starting to get a bit of a problem down south. He shifted his legs awkwardly and snuck a look at Christopher, who to his credit looked concerned. Mmm. Chris was cute. Blonde hair and green eyes, goofy smile. Definitely cute. Whoa. Cute?  
  
"What kind of funny? Like you're going to be sick, or what?" Shit. David wasn't really going to die, was he? Please let this be the one time he decides to play a joke.  
  
"Just... odd." Odd. Then his eyes widened. Oh shit. With a sense of dread he looked towards the cauldron. Then the locked door. This was not good.  
  
Christopher followed David's line of sight towards the door. "You're really okay, right? What's wrong? Is the potion doing something? Want me to go scream and cry like a sissy girl until Jalil opens the door?"  
  
"Oh, it's having an effect all right." Had to be the potion. He wasn't going to even entertain the idea that Christopher might be affecting him like this. He had barely admitted to himself that he was bisexual, and he certainly wasn't going to admit to himself that he'd had fantasies about Christopher. Nope. Wasn't going to happen. The potion had to be a lust potion or something (Jalil had been working with that weird goddess the other day...), but it certainly didn't make David stupid. God. He just... needed...  
  
"Uh, David?"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"Kissing you."  
  
"I... uhh... realized that... mphhh... I was wondering... ahh... why?"  
  
"Because," David whispered in Christopher's ear. He moved from his seat to wrap his legs around Christopher's waist. "I'm horny." Yup, definitely a lust potion. That seals it.  
  
Christopher groaned. That felt... good. Which was not good. David Levin straddling Christopher Hitchcock is not good!  
  
"David!" he hissed. "Think about this for a second." He pulled David's hands away from where they'd started to stray and slid as far away from him as possible.  
  
David horny. Christopher cute. And available.  
  
"Thought about it," David said airily. "Now c'mere." He latched his mouth onto Chris' neck and began to suck.  
  
Christopher arched into it unconsciously. Wait! Wait a... wait a... wait... uh... mhmmm. That's... wait!  
  
"David – " he started.  
  
"Shut up and kiss me." David twined his legs around Christopher's and began to play with the buttons of his shirt.  
  
"I... uh..." Okay, not that Christopher hadn't thought about having David like this before (I mean, who wouldn't? The guy is fucking gorgeous!), it was just that it was almost a little too surreal to be actually happening. But hey, let's see you resist the guy you've been secretly lusting over for a year! Very secretly, mind you, but lusting nonetheless. He sighed into David's mouth and gave up struggling. "Just remember David, you were the one who asked for this." He was so holding this over David's head for the rest of his li...  
  
"Holy Fuck!"  
  
"Like that?"  
  
Well. Turns out there were other things to do with him than fight.

* * *

** Roughly two hours later...**  
  
Jalil opened the door to his lab. And promptly slammed it shut.


	2. Did We?

The (for some strange reason) much requested second chapter of 'Lust Potion'.  
  
Slash, and sex talk, and implications of sex. Also, April is a closet hentai. If it got any weirder, I'd have to throw in a cowboy and chocolate pudding. You have been warned.

* * *

David Levin slammed back down to earth to find himself straddling Christopher Hitchcock. While they were both naked. And very, very sticky.  
  
And just when he thought life in Everworld couldn't get weirder.  
  
"Did we..."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"And then..."  
  
"Mhmm."  
  
"You..."  
  
"Uh huh."  
  
"I..."  
  
"Yep."  
  
"Oh."  
  
Long silence.  
  
Please oh please oh please oh please oh please...  
  
"Again?"  
  
"... all right."

* * *

"Is it safe yet?"  
  
"Shh!" April set her ear back onto the door. "I think... oh. Oh wait. Nope. Better give them another half an hour. Or... um. Maybe a little longer than that."  
  
Placing a hand over his eyes, Jalil swore and stalked off into another part of the house.

* * *

"Are we going to talk about this?"  
  
Christopher nipped David's ear and sighed. "Do we _have_ to talk about this?" He would have thought Jalil would be the 'let's talk this out' sort of guy.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"C'mon, David. Don't make it weird."  
  
"Weird? Hello, Chris! Me and you having sex – "  
  
"Repeatedly." Heh. Sorry. Mini-maniacal giggle there...  
  
"Right, having sex 'repeatedly'. That's not weird?" That was pushing the boundaries even for Everworld.  
  
"Does it feel weird?"  
  
David paused. Damn it. And he was just working up to such a good tirade too. "Well..."  
  
"If it doesn't feel weird, don't make it weird." Christopher placed a quick kiss on David's shoulder. "Now shut up. I'm tired, and I wanna sleep."  
  
"You're so demanding."  
  
"You like it," Christopher murmured, snuggling up to David.  
  
He'd did like it. Damn it. Almost unconsciously, David placed his arm around Christopher and pulled him closer. He stared down at the sandy- haired boy. At the moment he was caught between beating Christopher up and...  
  
Oh boy. Not going down that road again. Again again. Again again again. However many 'agains' there should be. Whatever.  
  
With another sigh, David settled down and went to sleep, Christopher drooling away on his chest.

* * *

"Now is it safe?"  
  
"Well..." April scrunched up her nose. "I think they're snoring. At least, that's what I hope that noise is."  
  
Oh, for the love of God. With a heavy sigh, Jalil opened the door. And squeaked.  
  
"My lab...!" And there, in the middle of the chaos that used to be his workshop, were the two perpetrators. Looking rather... cozy, for lack of a better PG word.  
  
"Awww. They're cute!"  
  
"April..."  
  
"They are!" She clasped her hands and gave a sort of twirl. Jalil tried to prevent himself from running for the nearest washroom. This was too much. Then she turned to him and asked innocently -  
  
"Who do you think topped?"  
  
Jalil pinched the bridge of his nose. This was not happening. He was not having this conversation. He...  
  
"I bet it was Christopher."  
  
"April, we should just le-" Jalil froze in place. "Christopher? Are you nuts? It was definitely David."  
  
"You think?"  
  
"David of the hero-complex? Strong, silent David? Of course David topped!"  
  
"But Christopher's got such a dynamic personality! He's so... so 'get 'er done'!" she argued. How could Jalil not see that? Besides, David was so effeminate...  
  
"David's a control freak. And he's stronger."  
  
"Well, that's true," she admitted. "Still. I say Christopher."  
  
"David."  
  
"Christopher."  
  
"David."  
  
"Christopher fucked David!"  
  
"Actually," Christopher said mildly, looking up at his two voyeuristic housemates from his current position sprawled all over David, "he blew me, he fucked me, I fucked him, then I think there was some mutual humping like horny monkeys. Sound about right?"  
  
"Msghdah."  
  
"Ah. Right. I meant, he blew me, he fucked me, mutual horny monkey humping, I fucked him. Now is it right?" Whew, bad word order. That made it sound like they were humping horny monkeys... With a small frown, Christopher put his head back down on David's shoulder.  
  
"Shhfrymms."  
  
"Exactly. Now, would you mind leaving? I believe I owe him a blow job."  
  
Thoroughly embarrassed at his and April's debate, at having witnesses, and also the possibility of Christopher actually giving David a blowjob, Jalil just couldn't take anymore. Without another word, he left the room.  
  
April (not embarrassed in the least) raised an eyebrow. "Mind if I watch?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Damn it." Looking only mildly annoyed, she followed Jalil out.  
  
"There."  
  
"Dshhtigadat?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"Grskkfdd."  
  
"Aw, I love you too."  
  
"Shhhmnsh." And with that, David hit Christopher over the head with his pillow, formerly known as his shirt.  
  
"You're so abusive. There are support groups for people like me."  
  
"Adhhgn?"  
  
"No, I'm not talking about AA meetings, thanks."  
  
"Jurgysip."  
  
Christopher sighed. David was so stubborn sometimes. "At least come to my room. It's right next door. You'll get a bad back, sleeping on the stone floor."  
  
"..................... okay."  
  
"Blessed be! The beast speaks!"  
  
David growled. He was the sort of person who didn't wake up very quickly and didn't appreciate getting woken up, period. Not to mention his chest was covered in spit. He swiped at it half-heartedly with one of the socks he found on the floor.  
  
"Oops." Christopher blushed and grinned. "Sorry?"  
  
Oh boy. Just like that, David felt all his annoyance at Christopher melt away. Not a good sign. There was supposed to be spit-annoyance! Where was the spit-annoyance?! WHY WAS THERE NO SPIT-ANNOYANCE?!?!  
  
"Ugh." Completely forgoing clothing of any kind, David took the hand Christopher held out and they stumbled down the hall and onto Christopher's bed. "I hate you." All Chris had to do was look cute and – poof! – all of David's rage, gone. That was not supposed to happen. David was an angry person, and he was good at holding grudges. Anger did not just go – poof! – The laws of the universe had been flipped upside down. Again.  
  
Christopher reached sleepily for the blankets at the bottom of the bed. He kicked David lightly in the shin. "Is this going to be one of those love- hate relationships?"  
  
"Depends. Are you going to drool on me all the time?"  
  
"Well, possibly. I mean, aesthetically speaking, you have a very nice ass. And a six pack. Muscles. Tan..."  
  
Oh dear sweet Lord. "Chris, you're drooling on me again."  
  
"Whoops, sorry."  
  
He didn't look the least bit sorry. But the grin was still enough to evaporate any lingering rage.  
  
David let his head fall back onto the pillow. Was there a reason he'd never noticed the potency of that grin before? Was there a reason he'd never noticed _anything_ about Christopher before? Sure, he'd always noted on a surface level that Chris was cute. Blonde hair, green eyes, surfer's build. But had he ever really LOOKED at him? Because his hair wasn't totally blonde. It was more of a brown blonde, and it was a little curly on the ends. And those eyes were a really unusual shade of green. Really light green, like the underside of the elvish trees they had to sleep in one night, except Christopher's eyes had little flecks of gold in them too. And surfer's build was definitely glossing over exactly what Christopher's body looked like. He had _shoulders_ like you wouldn't believe...  
  
"Um, David?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
Christopher felt a grin work it's way across his face. A really big grin. "You're drooling."  
  
"...oops."

* * *

I don't know why 'Christopher' and 'drool' always seem to connect in my mind, and consequently in these fics, but they do. I must have a drooling Christopher fetish.  
  
Review, please. It's not the most well written thing, so tell me if there seems to be any order to the insanity.  
  
Should I continue? A David/Christopher relationships promises lots more chances for madness and general chaos. And it's a break from all the Draco/Harry angst I seem to be producing lately... 


	3. This is So Damn Gay

To molest, or not to molest. That was the question.

Christopher sighed. In all fairness, molesting David while he was asleep could be a bit annoying. And a lot creepy. And he really wanted a cup of coffee.

* * *

David woke up alone. Which wasn't what he'd been expecting. He wasn't sure exactly what he had been expecting, but waking up alone wasn't it. If he _had _been expecting something, it would have been having Christopher wrapped around him tight enough to be a second skin, a third skin consisting of Christopher's drool, thanks to his overactive salivary glands, and he also fully expected Jalil to be yelling at the two of them, considering they'd completely fucked up his lab. Something like that.

David woke up alone.

Okay. He could swing with that. It wasn't like he'd been looking forward to chaos and dysfunction, right?

Oh Christ. He needed coffee.

* * *

"Christopher, what in God's name are you doing?"

"Making eggs."

April walked over to the counter and poured herself a cup of goat's milk. "I hate to break it to you, but you traditionally don't cook the eggshells with the eggs."

"I know that," Christopher pouted. Yeesh, did she think he was completely retarded? Christopher poked the eggs with the fork a few more times. "The eggshells refuse to leave the egg behind."

"Always a problem," April added solemnly. "Might I ask why you're making eggs in the first place, since you don't even like them?"

"David does."

"I see." April turned around to hide her grin. The two of them were so cute!

"Shut up. And stop smiling."

"Okay. Sure. So you and David are doing the couple thing, huh?"

"I guess. I mean, we didn't exactly talk about it, but whatever. I think it could be cool. Now that angsty-hero David is pretty much out of commission, I realize that I like not angsty-hero David."

"I knew there was a reason you two always fought so much. Besides Senna."

"Okay, April, thou shalt not mention to S-word in this household for two very good reasons. One, she was a witch. Anyone who's watched enough horror movies and is worth their salt knows that if you say a witch's name, _she'll come back_."

"Chris–"

"Two, she is not only my ex, but David's too. _Don't mention the ex-girlfriends_."

"Why are you talking in italics?"

"What?"

"Um... your eggs are burning!"

"Shit." The eggs _were_ looking a little on the brown side. And just because Christopher didn't eat eggs didn't mean he didn't know what they were supposed to look like. Right.

"Want me to help?"

"No! If you make David's eggs for him, it defeats the purpose."

"What's the purpose?"

"You know... the purpose!"

"Christopher, you seem a little frazzled."

"I'm a lot frazzled. Shut up."

"What are you two doing?" David walked into the room, running a hand through his hair. Christopher almost collapsed into a pool of drool right then and there. Sleepy-eyed David and rumpled hair. Gah.

April stepped away from the stove and smiled sweetly. "Christopher was burning the eggs."

"They're not burnt!" Everyone looked down at the black mass in the pan. "All right, they're more like incinerated."

"Chris, you don't like eggs." It was too early in the morning for this.

"No, but you do."

David raised an eyebrow. "... you were making me eggs?"

"Attempting to."

"You realize this has all the makings of a mpreg?" April cracked.

"What?"

"Um... never mind." With that, she scurried out of the kitchen with a mad grin on her face. The boys watched her leave with raised eyebrows.

After a moment David sighed and placed a hand over his eyes. "Just come back to bed."

"And again... what?"

"Come back to bed," David repeated. "You kept me up half the night, for one, and I can't deal with this right now, for two. For three... I swear there was a three."

Christopher gave the eggs a parting stab before patting David reassuringly on the shoulder. "Take your time. It'll come back."

"Are you mocking me?"

"Possibly. Look, David, we've been over this. It's not a big deal. Don't worry so much!"

"One of us has to worry!"

"I am worried! But what am I supposed to do about it? It's only going to last until you wake up one morning and it hits you. 'Holy shit! I've been sleeping with Christopher Hitchcock! A guy! A guy I hate!' It's an ugly road." Christopher flung the pan towards the stone sink. "I'm just want to enjoy it until then, all right?"

_Oh shit_. "I don't hate you."

"What?"

"I don't hate you, okay?" David looked up at the ceiling and silently cursed. This was. So. Damn. Gay. "I never hated you, and I certainly don't now. C'mon. I mean, I let you drool all over me."

"That's true." Christopher perked up immediately. "Can I drool on you again?"

"I knew I shouldn't have let the author give you a drool fetish..."

"What?"

"Um... let's make out on the kitchen table!"

"Okay!"

* * *

"I wouldn't go in there."

Jalil slowly turned around and counted to ten. "And why not?"

"Christopher and David are making out on the table."

"I had to ask," Jalil sighed. "When do you think they'll be... done?"

"Well, if yesterday was any indication... I'd give them a couple of hours."

"Great!" he exploded. "Just great. They're going to have sex all over the house, I can tell."

"We'll have to check every surface before we sit down," April added cheerfully.

"... I'm locking the lab from now on."

There was a thump and a muffled curse from the kitchen, followed by a loud groan.

April sighed happily. "Isn't it great?"

"I'm going to be sick."

"Can't you be happier for them?"

"Can't they have quieter sex?"

* * *

It's a crack!fic. Enjoy, damn it!

I am SO SORRY I took this long. In my defense, for the past two weeks or so I haven't even _had_ a computer. And I pretty much roasted my sister over open flames because of it.

More soon :)


End file.
